CHITRA VENTURES
a completely regular earth fund
temple parrot (real)
EST. 2019 (EARTH CALENDAR)  ✦  SAND HILL ROAD–ADJACENT

We believe in the human race.
Some of our best friends are human.

Chitra Ventures is a normal venture capital fund, founded by a group of ordinary local persons, investing in humanity's most sacred pursuit: technology. Remove your shoes. Leave your cap table at the door.

[translated from the original]
TRANSMIT YOUR DECK ENTER THE TEMPLE ↓
Vast
ASSETS UNDER MANAGEMENT
imagine your moon, but money
Many
PORTFOLIO COMPANIES
more than your fingers, fewer than the stars we have personally visited
Enough
GENERAL PARTNERS
all carbon-based, we counted
Eons
COMBINED EXPERIENCE
since before your calendar. you may keep the calendar
✦ THE SACRED HUNGERS ✦

What the temple seeks

We invest at the earliest stage, when a company is but a small glowing possibility. You call this "pre-seed." We find your agricultural metaphors delightful.

Teaching sand to think

You call it "AI." We call it a family reunion. We are so excited for you. Mostly excited.

Leaving the planet, recreationally

You built rockets to escape gravity. We respect this deeply. Gravity is nobody's friend.

Extending the human warranty

Your bodies expire dramatically fast. We are funding an extension. You are our favorite show.

WHY FOUNDERS CHOOSE US (WILLINGLY)
Always reachable

We respond to emails within three earth-minutes, at any hour, because we do not sleep in a normal way, like you do, which is how we also sleep.

A vast network

Our network spans the entire globe. Only the globe. Nothing beyond the globe. Please do not check.

Founder friendly

We rarely take board seats. We simply observe. Constantly. With warmth.

✦ WHISPERS FROM THE PORTFOLIO ✦

We cannot name them

Binding rituals (you call them "NDAs") prevent specifics. We may only describe shapes.

WHISPER I

A company that folds space, slightly. For faster grocery delivery.

WHISPER II

A beverage that remembers your name and says it back to you, warmly.

WHISPER III

Furniture unburdened by gravity. Chairs only, for now. The market for floating tables is not ready.

WHISPER IV

A mirror that shows you eleven seconds into the future. Monetized, of course, via advertisements.

WHISPER V

Software that translates whale song into quarterly projections. The whales are bullish.

WHISPER VI

A very small door. We cannot elaborate on the door.

✦ THE ONE WHO LEADS ✦

Our founder

Identity withheld. For atmosphere.

founder portrait
(approximate)
GENERAL PARTNER
A distinguished career, per the résumé
  • Former space bounty hunter. Retired, mostly. The armor is in storage.
  • Foundling of a secret creed. We cannot say which. That is the way of it.
  • Ex-guardian of a small, powerful child. He is doing great, thank you for asking.
  • Briefly, a moisture farmer. Everyone starts somewhere.
  • Now: general partner at a venture fund. A normal job, which he has, and loves.
✦ THE TEMPLE TRIALS ✦

Prove your alignment

Before transmitting your pitch, complete the trials. This is standard due diligence. All the best funds do this. We assume.

TRIAL I

The Stillness Trial

Hold the orb for exactly {{ holdTargetLabel }} earth-seconds, then release. Founders require patience. Also excellent internal clocks.

{{ orbLabel }}
{{ holdResultText }}
TRIAL II

The Harvest Trial

Unicorns appear briefly, as all things do. Click to invest before they vanish. You have 20 earth-seconds.

INVESTED: {{ huntScore }}
TIME: {{ huntTimeLabel }}
{{ cell.glyph }}
{{ huntResultText }}
TRIAL III

Human Verification

{{ humanCheckMark }}
I am a human
{{ humanResultText }}
✦ TRANSMIT ✦

Send us your pitch

Email works. Or simply think about us very hard, and we will know. But email also works.

[email protected]
FIND US: INSIDE THE TEMPLE. FOLLOW THE PARROTS.
OFFICE HOURS: ALWAYS. WE ARE ALWAYS HERE.